I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How does one acquire holy water?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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