Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Houston, we have a squirter
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
