I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
