After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
