I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
