we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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