areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
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