Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
