I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I still have a little drunk in my system
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
