I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize