Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
