Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
