i jhust puked up my retainher.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
