My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
