dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize