the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
