So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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