The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
