someone get that fucking seahorse.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
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we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
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A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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