my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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