dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
as a side note pls kill me
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
