I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
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it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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