broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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