she was so not down for the gang bang
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
