Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
