You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
