You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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