i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
