I love black thongs
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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