the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
