Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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