just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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