At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
