I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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