"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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