I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
