I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
