He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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