are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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