i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
