Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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