she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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