got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize