i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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