Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
