tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There r osticjed everywhere
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
