I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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