Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
