I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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