what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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