dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
