before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
