Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
