Someone shit on the floor
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
