SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
