where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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