we have pet lesbian snakes
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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