If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
