I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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